why, Allah?

I am so angry right now.
Angry to You.
After all of the things I did, and I still got this.
I don't know, really. WHY are You doing this?
They said, You love us. They said, when You love us, You will give us some more "attention".
Well, I am sorry if I got this wrong, but I don't see Your love here or anywhere else.
All I want now is that everything back to normal, and we can live happily and care and love each other.
All I want is You show me something real that You are here to comfort me and to protect my family.
All I need is You, making my father better.
All the whole year I tried to focus on Your love, on Your greatness. But here I am ended up not knowing what to do next.
I do still believe in You and Your greatness and Your love. But I just don't get it. Why are You doing this?
I've been trying to find out "what" is behind all of this scenario, Your scenario. But now I'm so tired looking up and I'm so fucking tired of all of this.
I know that I might be regretting this post. But hell I don't care. You don't even seem to care.
I love my father and my whole family. I love You. But now I hate You for doing this to my family and me.
I envy every living person on earth who can laugh and be happy and very healthy and have a wonderful life and can do anything with no worries. I envy them. And somehow I blame You for doing this to me, for giving me this really heartbreaking experience, for making me this down and fall and not knowing how to get up and pretending to everyone around me that I am fine and I can do this. Do You know how it feels? Oh, sorry. You're the God. You made this.
I am angry to You. What have I done until You thought that I deserve all of this? Why not them? Why not the glamorous girls in the big cities that always burn their money to bags, shoes, or holidays? Why not those girls who always take every possible chances to capture their activities and show the world? Why not the guy at the bar who always makes himself drunk and somehow kills an innocent person? Why not those corruptors or killers or other people on earth? Why me? WHY ME, ALLAH?!